Emotional Hygiene

Emotional Hygiene means taking care of psychological health mindfully and deal with psychological injury. Psychological injury can be in the form of failure, rejection, mental trauma or damaged Self- esteem.

Emotion hygiene, similar to physical hygiene , involves adopting daily habits to monitor and address psychological wounds.

Some ways of practising emotional hygiene are:

1. Practice self- compassion

2. Become aware of your own emotions

3. Avoid ruminating about bad experiences

4. Treat failure differently

Self- Sabotage

Self -sabotage means acting or behaving in a manner that is dangerous to one’s own emotional, physical and mental well being. Self sabotage prevents the person from achieving its dreams and goals and can even interfere with life, work and connecting with other people.

According to Psychologists, people self-sabotage and consciously avoid making efforts to live a life of their choice, when they have low self-esteem, when they did not receive that love and respect in the family in their childhood, and when they have unhealthy beliefs regarding relationships.

Self-sabotaging is said to be negative effects on overall well being of an individual. Not only self sabotaging becomes constant source of stress and procrastination, it can also resulting in conflicts in relationships or difficult connecting with others in healthy ways.

Some signs of self-sabotaging includes putting off work due to fear of failure and criticism (also called procrastination), living with a perfectionist mindset, resulting in delaying work due to impossible standards. People also self sabotage when they keep worrying all the time and are victim of substance abuse. Another form of self sabotaging is when people intentionally spoil or escape from otherwise healthy friendships or romantic relationships. Psychologists state that eating mindlessly out of stress is also another form of self sabotaging.

To stop self sabotaging, it is important to dig deep within self to find the root cause leading to self destructive self sabotaging behavior, practice self compassion, start journaling feelings and emotions and become self aware.

It is okay to be not okay

In a recent undesirable episode of my life, I was hit hard on my head with all moral preachings I have been living with, like we should never get angry, anger kills self, anger is dangerous, control your anger and blah blah.

I still could not control as usual but learnt an important wisdom this time, that rather than suppressing emotions completely and avoiding them, feeling them gave me awareness to know the whys of emotion. It led me take a deep dive to find the inner issues bothering me for long I realized that when as a human we feel the entire spectrum of emotions like anger, fear, joy, love, guilt etc., that makes us more aware about ourselves in first place and lead to self acceptance. This however no where would mean that we lash out at others in anger, cause damage to self and others, but accepting that we are getting angry over similar situation time and again, would be helpful in identifying the triggers, thereby addressing issues causing them. Suppressing anger, on the other hand, would lead to more distress in the long run as we would never be able to express freely and live fully.

While reading more about experiencing all emotions, even not so positive ones, I came across a term ‘Constructive Wallowing‘, which means beating bad feelings by allowing yourself to just have them. I immersed myself into reading more about it and learnt that suppressing emotions like anger and fear leads to more suffering. Exercising restraint in expressing emotions would aggravate the underlying problem even more, as the issue will remain unattended to.

On the other hand, according to Psychologists, feeling the emotions and observing their physical presence in the body (which is also called sensations) as a mindful observer would enable us to process the emotions meaningfully and address the issues that perhaps need urgent attention.

So what should we do, break someone’s bones or things in the house when angry, definitely no but in anger I learnt that we must pay constant attention to why and how of that emotion and should find out ways to manage it constructively, rather than just suppressing it or holding it within ourselves.

In my case, I blurted out badly, I was ruthless and resentful and but then I invested hours of deep reflective thinking and I realized that it is high time to address my own needs and reshape my age old conditioned belief system. It is high time to accept my own flaws and be compassionate and take a stand for my own well being. Often in the disguise of repressing emotions like fear, anger and guilt, we often skip taking some crucial steps like planning thoroughly, communicating issues openly and confessing honestly. These emotions then keep bothering and bruising our mental health time and again. As Sigmond Freud rightly said ” unexpressed emotions will never die”

Self-sabotage

A person is said to be self- sabotaging when that person acts or behaves in ways that undermines self.

Self sabotaging impedes one’s ability to act the way one wants to.

According to Psychology, low self esteem, negative self-talk, procrastination and self-hatred are some of the reasons why people self-sabotage.

Finally I pledged

Finally I pledged 
To go beyond nasty norms
Finally I pledged
To brave my withering storms
Finally I pledged
To break the mind free
Finally I pledged
To just let life be
Finally I pledged
To clean up the mental mess
Finally I pledged
To detox destress
Finally I pledged
To smile little more
Finally I pledged
To admire and adore
Finally I pledged
To forgive the lost life
Finally I pledged
To not just survive but thrive
Finally I pledged
To share and seek solace
Finally I pledged
To persevere, practice and embrace
Finally I pledged
To learn and live out loud
Finally I pledged
To push myself above the crowd




EGO is Good

I am your ego, your sense of your being

I am so much in you so often seen

I led to rise and fall of great empires

I let you unleash your hidden vampires

They cursed me to fill you with vanity and vice

When you only pleased me inflated me in disguise

I am not bad , I pushed you hard

I stood with you, never let you retard

I brought the best in you

They named me the worst

I shaped the ‘you’ in you

They blamed me for your haughty outburst

Nurture me within you

And you will confidently brave through

Don’t let me go away, I won’t turn into vain

Regulate me with kindness and gratitude, let me sustain.

Solace in sipping tea

A cup of tea has been one thing that has remained popular across cultures and countries across the globe. There may be different ways of consuming it, different ways of preparing it, different ways of serving it, but what remains uniform is the the joy that hot brewed cup of tea brings.

It is quite interesting to note that how we get emotionally attached to inanimate objects and how we start seeking solace in them. My belongingness with tea began when I started preparing for my Board exams way back in 1997. Before that year, I never had any interest in tea or any of its fancily named variants (like peppermint tea, chamomile tea etc .). It is during my board exams that I thought that drinking a cup of tea will reenergize my focus in studies and escape sleep.

I never knew at that time that a drink intended to retain focus would become my way of seeking solace, companionship and joy. I didn’t know at that time that I will form that inseparable bond with that bone china made tea cup, decked up with intricate patterns and designs, would heal me, make me calm and even bring that lost smile back.

Drinking tea was not a ritual but was a opportunity to have some chit chats with cousins, to engage in some insightful talks with friends and family members. Soon, inadvertently, I started sipping a cup of tea whenever I used to feel upset, lost, angry, alone and what not.

It went completely unnoticed by me that how deeply I started bonding myself, my identity and my emotions with that typical cup of tea, traditionally made with milk, tea leaves and sugar. I was emotionally drawn to it and I was not aware of my state of dependence on tea to feel relaxed, happy, accepted and loved.

In Hindu culture, it is a revered practice to offer guests water when they arrive at home. I started offering tea even before asking for a glass of water. In return, I got some scornful strange scare from guests in doing so. Somewhere, tea had become my source of ultimate pleasure, medicine for all pains, emotional and physical, source of celebrating joys as well as pondering over worries. A sip from that favourite cup would give me fresh ideas and would even bring me out from stifling emotions of fear and loneliness. Such was a power in that brewed drink, surprising isn’t it?

Had I developed an addiction for tea? The word ‘addiction’ started boggling my mind and made me go back in time to find out why and how I started taking tea as one and only way to alleviate mental, social, emotional, physical suffering. I realized that my over indulgence in tea became so overpowering that it started dictating and directing my emotions in certain manner.

I wanted to come out of it. So, started skipping tea consciously and started reading about other techniques of regulating emotions and relaxing mind. Initially it was very challenging, I felt worn out and weird without tea but gradually I was able to skip tea now and then. At that moment, I realized that seeking solace and dependence on substances like alcohol and tea has its roots in emotional turbulence which needs to be appropriately addressed. So, I started working on myself and managing my emotions. Reading books and articles on self help, watching videos on personal development helped a lot in coming out of that zone of uncontrollable dependence on tea.

I still enjoy that cup of tea, filled with aroma of ginger and cardamom, crushed in the tea with love. But now I am no longer dependent on it for seeking solace and joy, and have started seeking that joy and solace within and by meaningfully connecting with family and friends. I still relish together moments and heartily laughs over a cup of tea, without getting overwhelmed.

To conclude I learnt that when something starts drawing you towards itself, it is a warning sign for you to distance yourself before it starts dominating, dictating your life in ways you would not have imagined.

The Tree of Life

Perfect with my imperfections

I climbed up the tree

yearning to be stronger

praying to be free

perfect with my imperfections

I climbed up the tree

burying memories of the past

carrying the courage at last

perfect with my imperfections

I climbed up the tree

lifting the strength of the loved ones

scaring away the fears that scared me once

perfect with my imperfections

I climbed up the tree

leaving the trails of my pain behind

hoping my stress to little unwind

perfect with my imperfections

I climbed up the tree

the tree of unconditional joy to give

the tree of prudence and passion to live

the tree that led me on a phlegmatic spree

the tree that led me to meet me